honor your truth

Such an Oprah statement, in fact thats where it came from. I was watching the Chaz Bono interiew and that was the closing sentiment that summed up the discussion and Chaz's journey in transitioning to a man.

I watched this show with the morbid curiosity that one usually associates with a car accident. Maybe because thats kinda how I felt about the hype for it on the commercials. But I also had another, less kind reason for watching.

I wanted to make sure I didn't look like him.


A few years ago when Chaz had first told the world that he was transitioning, there was a picture published in the paper that someone said to me " Hey, you look like her". I got upset because being a strongly identified butch lesbian, it always makes me cringe when someone assumes that one must be transgendered if one is more masculine.

Now, I don't need a lecture on the clinical definition of transgender, but I do think the days of the gallant swashbuckling, strong, swaggering butch are in peril when the world does not see that you can just be a gay woman with a strong male sense who is at heart a woman.

Ok, perhaps that was a bit strongly opinionated. But I do feel that there is too much conjecture on what someone is or should be.

That said, I absolutely believe that one should honor their truth. And I am glad I watched, because I learned it is very hard for many to know what their truth is, much less live it.

Finding passion, finding soul, finding happiness, finding truth is a long and often unrealized ambition for many.

So, how does my Oprah watching have anything to do with blogging? 

Because I have always wanted to be a writer.

I have and am many things, but when I wrote that first blog after a long time of only writing in my mind or in notebooks, I felt alive. My mind was on power juice and I had thoughts and dialogues unlike any I had ever had before.

It has been a pleasure and a burden to write out everything in my mind. The burden being finding time around diapers, groceries, cleaning, laundry, cooking, soothing, playing, reading, and maybe a little sleeping.

When I missed a few days of writing and posting, I felt miserable. I kept trying to get to the computer, to draft what I could, but it just didn't feel right. I often write in my head and when I sit down to the conputer I just pour out what in my brain and edit for grammar. I know thats a gift and I am grateful. It is also amazingly painful to carry several days of writing material around in my craw and not release it to print.

So, I make a promise to myself that as I endeavor to be more concientous with testing and meal planning to address sugar intake, I will plan a time to write so that very important part of my truth is not repressed.

So, thank you Chaz Bono. Even though I don't think I look like you, I feel like you...in needing to honor the best truth inside of us, be it gender or creativity. It took your brave story to motivate me  and ....just a little prick