Modern Family

Oh I love Cam on the ABC show Modern Family. He is so loveable, real and ...motherly. And saying that would piss him off. If you saw the mothers day episode, you experienced Cam's upset over his relegation to the role of " Wife" because he is the parent who stays home with the baby. He gets more aggitated when it moves from wife to woman and he is upset to be honored on mothers day as a mother. ( ok, I dvr a lot of tv...it helps when I am up for 2:00 feedings)

I had such empathy for Cam. While he enjoyed his part in the daily pattern and function of his family life, the titles didn't always do justice him. I understand that strange struggle to find nomenclature that fits function, not necessarily form.

In our house, i am " Da" or "daddy'. It just worked out that way as we couldn't find a name that fit me ( mommy, mama, the rest of the girl names just didn't work..besides the wife is clearly " mommy"...make no substitutes) I do have more of a patriarchal role and in our home many of the duties and chores I perform are more traditionally male oriented.

It has been a real challenge being a house butch while taking care of the daughter. I am not an earth mother, Bree, Martha, Erma, or Sally Homemaker. I am challenged in managing time to do laundry, get groceries, plan ,meals, cook meals, clean meals, play with babies, clean babies, entetain babies,clean house.......I would rather be on a ladder with a hammer pounding something or grasping a screw driver while figuring out how something works or can be fixed. I use duct tape as a mandatory fix it tool. I like to move furniture, paint stuff and organize my life.
I am not by nature a mama.

But this role reversal of sorts has been a real trip and has brought many issues and lessons to light. I love the nuturing, cradling, soft, lovey times I get with my daughter. I cherish every story, song and whispered secret my son shares with me. I like being more aware of what food I am eating and appreciative of what it takes to make good choices happen. I get called Mom a lot by others when out with my kids and I just smile.

It is interesting when I pick up my son from school. His friends all know me and when I arrive, they all yell his name and say " Your Da is here"
One day, a new friend was very excited to see me and yelled to my son " Your mom is here" My son rumpled up his nose and gave the friend a nasty look. " Thats not my Mom, thats my Daddy" he replied somewhat defensively. The friend was shocked, " No its not, its your mom" the friend shot back. " No , its my Da, he is a girl." Out of the mouths of babes.

We have talked with our kids about all the different families that exist and that some have girls who are daddies, men who are mommies, and that eeryone has different names for the people who love them; ema, tia, papa, poppo,grada, babba, ....it all adds up to love.

So, this upcoming Fathers Day,a little boy will make a card for his girl Dad and he will be so happy to celebrate his family and we will wish happiness for all families, modern, traditional, unorthodox, alien, whatever...just don't tell a kid that the person he or she loves is not the name they call them....that hurts more than just a little prick.