Stalked by a hearse

Maybe it is my imagination or my paranoid self, but for the last few weeks, I have seen a hearse every moring as I drive my car. It is never in the same place, or same time or even same road, but I can count on sometime during my morning drive and errand running, I will see that hearse.

There is no funeral home directly near my house and we are not near any facility that I imagine would need daily service. So why is this hearse stalking me??

Ok, the usual thoughts such as aging and death come to mind. Or the fact that I haven't been as good with diet and exercise as I am supposed to or that I did forget to immediately clean the counter after breaking eggs, but thats more about salmonella than death.

Maybe its not about physical death. Maybe there is emotional, spiritual or intellectual death occuring.

I know change is occuring. A valued neighbor is moving, my spiritual advisor is leaving to explore new journeys. While I wish him well, it is a big change to lose all he has been to and for me and Sunday mornings will not be the same.

and lets not even get into Oprah and her last season!!

Being at home, I have significantly less adult contact than I did when I was working and sometimes I long for the easy, casual way that colleagues talk to each other. I miss the academic challenge that I used to get from designing courses and workshops and I miss going to trainings.

There are times I think I am psychic. I remember the last times I spent with people, sometimes knowing it was the last time. I even took a picture of my cousin and uncle one time, while saying in my head " this is the last time they will be together like this." Sure enough, 6 months later, my uncle was gone.Granted, this is not a gift I have cultivated or necessarily care to have, but when that pokey feeling comes, I try to be open and aware.


So, what is the significance of the hearse? I have yet to figure it out. I do smile and wave at the driver now. It has become part of my daily landscape much like the joggers and dog walkers. I am open and paying attention , without being too paranoid. All things usually reveal themselves and I have to wait for that unveiling, maybe it will come as just a little prick.