"Why is this night different from all others?"

Sounds of the night have patterns and familiarity; the dishwasher hum, the bathroom faucet during teethbrushing, the lullabye clock, the stalling by the son who doesn't want to go to bed, the kisses, the songs and finally, the gentle breaths of slumbering children.

I miss those sounds when they are gone.

This is the first trip where son and daughter are gone, together with wife. I like my solitude, my ability to do chores that can only be done uninterrupted, the joy of following ones own pace through the day. But I found I missed them most at night. I had gotten used to falling asleep listening to the daughter coo and breath and following ( via our baby spy cam)  my son's adventures in settling down, snoring and imitating an Octopus during his somnolent movements.

I have become expert at telling when the cry is a hunger or lost binky, the cough a dry throat or the predecessor to more sickness. Their snoozing rocks me into a safe, craddled, drowzyness that closes a busy day and sends us all to dream land.

And I miss them more this trip than any other time.

My life has become slower ( busier, but slower) as I have focused on baby needs, house needs, family needs and lastly, me needs. Forming all of those together into a collage schedule has been a real challenge. I am used to moving at a fast pace, doing 10 things at once (as every good teacher does, some do 20 at once!!), living by the clock for periods, meetings, classes, groups, lunch duty and dismissal.

I used to borrow the phrase from the t.v. show " M.A.S.H." where the surgeons described what they do as " Meat ball surgery...patch 'em, heal 'em up and get them back out there". Somedays school education felt that way. You couldn't fix all the problems that walked in the door, but you did the best you could in 6 hours.

Home is a different pace, one set often by the smallest force in the home.And one set by individual expectations. The dishes must get washed, but if I don't get to sorting out the hall closet, I am the  only one chewing over it. Meal planning has been crucial to monitoring carbs and calories, but it just takes a cranky baby, long night of fussing or exhaustion to usurp a great plan.

And thats where the predicatables, the patterns, the routines help pull it all together. And when some elements of those patterns are gone....eating gets off track, exercising is a second thought and sleeping is less cozy ...because the things that matter most are missing, if only temporarily.

They will be back soon, the house will hum again ( and cry,whine,laugh, coo, giggle and sing) and this tme away will be a memory...hopefully a learning, about what matters.....the reminder pain of their absence will feel like.....just a little prick.